Rescue Me Chapter 1: Chance to Forgive extended - Stellaride fic
by LL2473
Summary: I thought the last scene at Molly's needed more, so here is my attempt. Be nice! #stellaride #kelly #severide #stella #kidd #Chicagofire
1. Rescue Me Chapter 1: Chance to Forgive

I felt like the last scene at Molly's needed more:

Music plays softly in the background

Stella with a clipboard in hand is actually behind the bar doing an inventory of bottles. Her back is to the door.

The door opens.

"Sorry, were clos..."

"Hey." says Severide.

"Hi" says Stella with a bit of hesitation. He had been actively avoiding her for days and didn't seem to want to talk to her. There was clearly something on his mind. It was baffling because only a week ago, things seemed so great. They had always had this thing between them. This pull. This attraction. When she walked into a room, she automatically sought him out and when she did, he was always looking at her. Even when she wasn't looking, she could feel his eyes on her. She knew they were only friends, but lately it was starting to feel like more. A lot more. She was glad she was looking for her own apartment because things were getting confusing for her and she needed a bit of space so that she could check her feelings. It almost didn't seem to matter now because whatever they had, or were beginning to have, had fizzled. Kelly had shut down and shut her out. It was like a door slamming in her face. She was hurt but didn't know if she even had a right to be.

"Stuck here awhile?" Kelly asked.

"Yeah. I was just about to start inventory. Why?"

"I was gonna hit up Chi Cafe. Thought you might be up for a bite. But," he shrugs, "another time." He seemed resolved and began to turn to leave.

"Wha.. hold on. Kelly..." Stella put the clipboards on the counter and walked around the bar. She walked towards Kelly but stopped about 10 feet from where he stood. She needed some distance. She didn't want him to see the hurt on her face. She didn't want him to see the tears if they began to form.

"Look. I know communication is not your first language, but what is going on with you lately?" She had intended to stop with that question, but the flood of emotions that has been building over the last few days began to take over.

"You've been dodging me and, and just acting off ever since the fire."

Kelly stared at her with a furrowed brow. He looked at her face. At those beautiful brown eyes that were filling with tears. I'm hurting her, he thought. What the fuck am I doing?

"Stella. Look. I'm sorry. I know I've been a little distant. I'm just trying to sort some stuff out."

"What 'stuff?'"

"Just stuff."

"Look, Kelly. That's not good enough. You have been pushing me away. I'm trying not to take it personally, but I think it is personal. What did I do?"

His eyes opened wide. How could she think that she's done anything? She's been nothing but a great friend to him. She's slowly but surely become the most important person in his life. Stella was there for the entire time he was with Anna. She was supportive and hopeful and the one person he turned to to talk things out. She was also funny and smart and fearless. He hadn't felt this way about a woman in a long time. So often he didn't really feel anything towards to women he was with except lust. He was having fun but most of the women he had been with were more for fucking and not much else. Except for Shay and Anna. And now Stella.

"Kelly. Please. You are my friend. More than that really. This horrible, horrible thing happened. And I'm still trying to deal with it. I got shot. I could have died. Otis could have died." Her voice began to crack. "I've needed someone to talk to and you are avoiding me like the plague."

She was suffering. How could he be so blind and uncaring. She had been shot. She didn't have a chance to stop and think about what had happened to Her because everyone was so concerned about Otis. And what was I doing? I was so wrapped up in my own bullshit to see that Stella needed me.

"Stella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I've just...I don't know. I know you got shot. I know you could have died."

He paused and swallowed to give him a chance to continue without breaking.

"I've thought about that every day since the fire. Every time I look at you, I think about how you could be dead. That bullet would have hit you in the heart if it hadn't hit your radio." His voice began to waiver. "I almost lost you and I can't..."

Stella looked at him with tears in her eyes. She understood that he had been pushing her away on purpose. But why?

"Kelly, why can't we talk about this? I mean, it seems to me like we both need to."

"Stella, I don't know what I need. I just feel like everything is just so messed up right now. If I had lost you, I would have gone crazy. I can't keep losing people that I lo..."

"That you what, Kelly?"

He looked at her, fighting to regain control. If he could only get ahold of himself, he could get out of this conversation and get out of Molly's. He just didn't feel like he could have *This* discussion right now. It didn't matter how he felt about her. Everyone that he ever loved had abandoned him in some way. His dad. His mom. Shay. Anna. He knew he was better off to not let anyone get close to him. To not care that much about another person, who would just end up leaving him.

Kelly looked away and shook his head. No, I'm not going any further. I've got to just end this, whatever this is, now.

"Kelly. Can you just for once, just tell me what your feelin?"

Kelly looked up at her. She was standing in front of him. Beautiful eyes, full lips. Wild hair. Tell her what he was feeling? Ha. Tell her that he was so completely in love with her that he was willing to die to save her. Tell her that he's loved her since the day they met at the academy. Tell her how he regretted how things had ended with them. Tell her that every time he saw her with Zach he wanted to punch him in the throat and that he was happy that they had broken up. Tell her that ever since she moved in, he hasn't stopped wanting to walk into her bedroom and make love to her.

He wanted to turn but he couldn't. He couldn't walk away. Not from her. All he wanted was for her to stop looking at him with such pain in her eyes. Pain that he had caused. He walked towards her and stopped right in front of her.

He was going to hug her and tell her how sorry he was for acting like an ass. He was going to tell her that, yes, they could talk for as long as she needed.

But those eyes. Those lips. You want to know how I feel, Stella? You want to know how I feel about you, he thought.

He moved closer to her, reached out to pull her to him. Then he kissed her. He hadn't intended to but he was physically incapable of not kissing her. Right then. In that moment. That perfect moment. He couldn't have resisted her if he tried. And he was tired of trying not to feel what he felt for Stella. He loved her and nothing was going to stop him from showing her how much.


	2. Rescue Me Chapter 2: The Morning After

Beep beep beep

Ugh that freaking alarm, thought Kelly as he reached over to the nightstand to turn it off.

As he reached over... the space where she used to sleep. Stella moved out yesterday. He never even saw it coming and he was still pretty raw about it. He thought she was happy with what they had going on. They had lived together for months before anything happened. And in those months, they had gotten close. Very close. She was his best friend and while he still wasn't the most open person on the planet, he felt like he could talk to her about anything.

A few days ago, after they had gotten gone from shift, Stella asked him about his "marriage" to Brittney. He has been going down a deep hole after Shay died. There was lots of drinking and lots of "company." When all his buds bailed out on the trip to Vegas, he went alone, figuring he'd gamble, drink and have a good time. Meeting Brittney was unexpected but she was a welcome distraction from all the shit going through his mind. She seemed to be in Vegas to forget, just like he was, so it seemed natural that they would need and hit it off. The whole marriage thing was spontaneous and, in all honesty, stupid. He knew it wasn't going to last but at the time, he didn't care. He just wanted someone there. And so did she. In the short time they were together, he thought that they pushed each other to start to heal from their respective losses. There was nothing wrong with Britney. They rushed in without really knowing each other. He wasn't what she needed. She wasn't really what he wanted. They ended amicably and he wished her well. He still gets emails from her every once in a while.

But what did this have to do with now? With Stella? Nothing, or so he thought. But she asked. He should have seen the wheels turning. He should have realized that Stella, if all people, wasn't going to let him get away with some lame reasons or be satisfied when he told he he was, basically, a work in progress.

After the next shift, she came up to him, ready to go home. When he looked up and saw her, he was happy. Happy to see her and happy to be going home with her for a few days off. Then she told him she was moving out. He first thought it was a joke (not a very good one), but then saw the look in her eyes. He was confused. Nothing had happened. They hadn't had a fight. Nothing seemed odd. Where was this coming from. She explained that she didn't want us to burn out like last time. Hell, this was nothing like last time. The look in her eyes, as she tried not to cry in front of him, spoke volumes. She's wanting more. He didn't know how much more but he knew she didn't want this to be a fling. But he had never thought that what it was in the first place.

They drove home in silence. He didn't really know what to say or how to say it. He didn't want her to leave but it seemed like her mind was made up. He had gone to his room, alone, and had fallen asleep. When he woke up, he looked for Stella but she was gone. When he went to her room to find her, he saw that most of her stuff was gone or in boxes.

Wait. This is happening now? He thought he had more time to figure out what to say to get her to stay. Clearly he did not. He walked back to his room and quickly showered. After he dressed, he headed to Herrmann's house. To the apartment.

When he got to the door, it was open. Stella was there with her back turned. He lightly knocked on the door frame. She turned around and gave him a sad smile.

"Hi." She said.

"You're really doing this?" He asked.

" I am." She said. "But it doesn't change the way I feel about you. About us. I don't want things to change between us and that why I think..."

"Stella," he cut her off. " I don't care where you live. Where ever you are, that's where I want to be." She kissed him. He kissed her back. Then he helped her move the rest of the boxes he brought with him. They stayed at her place, and set things up while eating take-out Chinese. They had fallen asleep wrapped in each other's arms but dud not make live that night. The next day, he went home.

Their apartment. His apartment. It seemed too big and too quiet. He walked into Stella's room and sat in the bare mattress. He looked around and felt sadness. Like he has screwed things up again. Only this time, it mattered and he wanted to fix it. He just didn't know how. He'd go be her some space and hope that he could assure her that he wanted to be with her, no matter what. He just felt like something had significantly shifted when Stella moved out. She said it wasn't a break up. Then why did it feel like it was the beginning of one?


	3. Chapter 3: Stella's Point of View

Stella woke up and for a split second didn't know where she was. The sunlight was coming from the wrong direction. The place had an unfamiliar smell. And she was alone. She slowly opened her eyes and reality hit. She was in her own apartment over Herrmann's garage. She was not snuggled in bed next to Kelly. Everything felt wrong.

"Well today's gonna be great," She muttered. Stop it, she thought. This was your decision and it was the right decision. What did Herrmann say? "Trust your gut." Well her gut was telling her...what? To run? To flee the scene like a cat burglar? She didn't think she was running. But maybe she was.

Stella kept reminding herself not to fall for Kelly. Keep it casual. He's not the commitment type. They were just having fun, and any other ridiculous platitude to stop her from admitting what she felt.

Stella and Kelly had an interesting history. The first time she ever saw him, there was an instant and clearly mutual attraction. But she was married and while Grant was a mess, she wasn't the cheating type. When she transferred to 51, she knew Kelly was there but had hoped that time had dulled whatever feelings she might have started to develop. Yeah right.

The first time she saw him in the locker room, she knew there was nothing dull about her attraction to him. They flirted and danced around for a while before they slept together. It was hot and heavy but got crazy complicated with Grant and she had pulled away. It wasn't a relationship and she felt like he was judging her for how she was dealing with Grant. She didn't need it. Fortunatley, after a few months of working together, they had become solid friends and she was ok with that. She was genuinely happy when Kelly started dating Anna. He seemed happy and while she was a little jealous, she wanted him to find love and his "happy ever after." Her heart broke for him when Anna died. As his friend, she wanted to be there for him but he pulled away from her and everyone else. She didn't blame him but she continued to worry.

Eventually, Kelly began to recover and seemed like his old self. She later realized that the smile on his face was the result of Brett's friend, Hope. Stella tried not to judge but that girl practically threw herself at Kelly. Regardless, he was still her friend and came to her rescue, again, when she was evicted and basically homeless.

"Look. I've got an extra bedroom. It's yours until you find a new place," he said. So she moved in. The 2-3 weeks she initially planned to stay turned into three months. They got along well and it ended up being convenient to carpool to the station. And she liked hanging out with him. She got to see him relaxed and goofy. He liked to tease her and her him. But somewhere in there, she started to look at Kelly differently, as more than a friend. She couldn't help notice that more than once when she looked around to find him, he was already looking at her. And his looks didn't seem like the kind of looks you give to a friend. He sure as hell didn't look at Brett or Dawson like that.

Yeah, things were starting to feel weird and she didn't like the mixed signals she was getting. It sure as hell didn't help that she got sloppy drunk one night and shoved her tongue down his throat. At least he was gentleman enough to turn her down nicely and never bring it up again. "Ok, Kidd, that was humiliating but at least you know that you were reading too much into things," she later thought. So she kept it moving, and by "moving" that meant dating men that had potential for something serious. Stella noticed that Kelly seemed less than impressed with her potential suitors.

Everything changed after the fire. She was shot but uninjured and was thankful that Otis was recovering. But that fire, that bullet changed everything. Boy, if anything puts things into perspective, it's a bullet. She had been alone with a seriously injured Otis with bullets popping off everywhere. When Chief told her to get out anyway she could, she thought, "How? How am I going to get Otis out of here?" Then he was there. Kelly was there in the doorway calling her name. He showed up and she immediately felt safe and calm. They got Otis out and headed to Med. After she had been examined and cleared, she walked into the waiting room to wait to hear about Otis's status with the rest of the station. As she was walking in, she saw his face. She had never seen that look. It was as if he was trying to hold everything so tightly together. All she wanted was to fall into his arms. She knew, right then and there, if she could just feel his arms around her, she would be ok. But it never happened. The opportunity to connect after such a traumatic event evaporated.

Kelly had pretty much avoided her after that. "What did I do?" she thought. "Why won't he talk to me?" She wanted to talk about what she had been through and how scared she had been but Kelly, her friend, had disappeared and when he was around, he was aloof and distant, which left her hurt and confused.

A few days later, he shows up at Molly's where she was doing inventory. He popped in and acted like everything was normal. Like he hadn't been ghosting her for days. She was hurt by his actions because she had come to expect more from him and their friendship. She had expected him to be there for her and he wasn't. So when he showed up, she knew that they were going to hash it out right then and there or not at all. She was prepared for Kelly to tell her nothing was wrong and then to leave to avoid more talking. She also knew if he did that, that would be the end of their friendship. She didn't always want to be the giver and him always the taker. She wanted more from him and if he wasn't willing to give it to her, she would have to accept that and move on.

However, that's not what happened. While Kelly isn't known for his lengthy speeches or deep professions of love, he was about action. He had kissed her. Slowly at first and then deeply and urgently. All these months of furtive glances and flirty banter has led up to that moment. She knew that it took almost losing her for him to finally show how he felt. And she returned those feelings tenfold.

Since then, they had been together every day. She was happy. He was happy. It should have been this blissful honeymoon period during the early part of any relationship where you can keep your hands off each other and can't get enough of those long talks that last until four in the morning. But that's not what was happening.

Then his mom showed up. It wasn't a bad visit. She wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy towards Stella but eventually she warmed up, especially after she hooked up with Benny, Kelly's dad. But then, as she was leaving, she made the comment. "He's his father's son."

This comment made right after Benny, the serial cheater, broke up with her, yet again. That comment had stuck with Stella ever since. She knew Kelly's past. Or at least she thought she did.

Shortly after that, Stella heard about Kelly's marriage. That certainly threw her for a loop. She thought she knew all of Kelly's skeletons, or at least the big ones. Did he love this woman he married? Did he think they had a future? And why didn't he tell her? Why did she have to learn about this from Brett? What bothered her the most was that she felt like he was still keeping her at an arm's length and not letting her get close to him. She wasn't ok with that. She thought she wanted to keep it casual with Kelly because she thought that was all he was willing to give her. But she wanted more. She deserved more and she wanted it with him. But she was too available. It was great but she felt like it was all about sex. Hey, she wasn't complaining because that was freaking awesome but she wanted to be wooed. She wanted him to make an effort. She wanted him to show her that he wanted what she wanted, which was a real relationship. She needed to slow things down. Way down. "Prove to me that you aren't a player anymore, Kelly. Make me believe it's me you want and not just some available piece of ass." Stella said to herself.

After the next shift, she found him in the locker room. He lit up when he saw her like a little boy on Christmas morning. That look truly warmed her heart. But she needed to tell him that she was moving out while also letting him know that it wasn't a break up. She just wanted him to understand that she wanted to back up a bit, slow it down and do it right. She didn't want them to burn out like last time. She felt too much for him now and if that happened, if they weren't going to be together, she knew that she probably couldn't work at 51 anymore. She knew he was confused and hurt and hoped they would talk about it more.

They drove home in silence. Kelly seemed upset and when he's upset, he shuts down. When they got home, he headed for his room and closed the door, shutting her out. That hurt. She had hoped this would be easier but knew this was what she needed to do.

So Stella walked into her room and started packing. She didn't realize that she had brought over so much crap. She packed up a suitcase and oversized duffle bag in addition to several boxes. She came out to the living room, hoping that Kelly would come out and help her, but he didn't. She packed up her car on her own. When she went back upstairs for her purse, he still hadn't come out. She thought about leaving his key. But she knew if she did, that would likely mean a breakup. Ok, Kelly. If you wanted your key back, you'll have to come and get it, she thought as she closed the door behind her.

She got to Herrmann's and started to move her stuff into his garage apartment. She knew this was what she wanted and needed, but she was also very sad and scared about what Kelly thought. "I guess I'll find out," she thought. She wanted to smack herself for making things complicated with Kelly. But then she remembered, she didn't want complicated. She wanted effort. She wanted a nice slow burn instead of a flame out. She wanted to get to know Kelly and him to know her. She didn't think that was too much to ask.

Stella heard a knock and turned around remembering that she had left the door open.

It was Kelly. She has never seen him look so shy and uncertain.

"You're really doing this?" He asked.

"I am." She said. "But it doesn't change the way I feel about you. About us. I don't want things to change between us and that why I think..."

"Stella," he cut her off. " I don't care where you live. Where ever you are, that's where I want to be."

That was everything to her. That one statement told her that he understood. He wasn't mad at her and was willing to do what she wanted to make her happy. The fact of the matter was, she had fallen hopelessly in love with Kelly. She knew he had the power to truly break her heart and it scared her. But here he was. Not letting her go. Coming to her to reassure her, to tell her it was ok.

He helped her finish moving the rest of her stuff and then they ate Chinese take-out. Her fortune cookie said, "Love is closer than you think." She smiled and tucked it away in her pocket and thought, "Yeah, he's right here in front of me putting together my IKEA bookcase." She sidled up next to him and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Kelly." He gave her a sad smile in return.


End file.
